Arms
by the.uncloseted.nerd
Summary: A different spin on what COULD have happened between Katniss and Peeta on the Victory Tour. Please review and let me know what you think! Also let me know if I should continue the story :) I DON'T OWN ANY PART OF THE HUNGER GAMES. ALL RIGHTS GO TO THEIR APPROPRIATE OWNERS.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

"That party was ridiculous." I think to myself as we travel back to the train. Actually, this entire Victory Tour has been ridiculous. What's the point? To look at those families in the eye? The families of the people we killed? The people who loved them? And say, "sorry they're dead and we won." It's completely ludicrous. And awful. And I am counting down the days where we can be done with this and I can get back to the place where I know I belong: home. With Prim. And my mother. In the woods. With… Gale?

I can't let myself think about that right now. Especially with Peeta standing right next to me. Oh, Peeta. I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy.

He has completely surprised during this tour. With giving money to Rue and Thresh's families, giving the most incredible speeches I've ever heard, agreeing to the public proposal, helping me sleep at night… Well, maybe surprised is the wrong word. I've always known he's incredibly gentle, and caring, and giving, and just… just… ugh.

Why does he have to be this way? It would be so much easier to ignore him if he wasn't so… so… I can't even think of the word.

All I know is he should just stop. Stop wasting his time on me. I'm never going to be able to give him what he wants. What he needs: love. I don't think I know, or will ever know, how to love. At least not romantically. And he deserves that. He deserves someone who can give him that. Who can give them everything they have. Everything they are. Love him unconditionally.

The thing is… I do love him. At least, I think I do. I'm just not sure in which way. There's no reason why I shouldn't love him. Except for maybe one…

"Katniss?" says Peeta, interrupting my thoughts as we move onto the coach to have our annual nightly meeting.

"Sorry," I say, "just a lot on my mind." He gives me a concerned look but I give a tiny smile to show him that I really am all right. He worries way too much. Maybe it's because of the screaming…

"Well, we did it! We made it through the Victory Tour without so much as a hair being out of place!" an overly enthusiastic Effie exclaims.

"Congratulations." Haymitch replies quite sneer. I'm sure he can't wait to get home as well. To be able to get drunk in peace, alone in his home is definitely his idea of heaven.

"Indeed!" Effie says with a massive smile.

"Now, I'm sure you all know that your job doesn't end here."

I look at Peeta with confusion and see his bright, beautiful blue eyes looking at me the same way.

Effie can see our bewilderment and explains, "The Quarter Quell of course!"

A light bulb goes off. Of course. And now I have even more on my mind. I get to train two more kids to go into the hell that I see every night. I can't wait.

Effie goes on to talk more about what our responsibilities will be, what we'll need to wear and worthless information that I could honestly not care less about. As Effie babbles on, Peeta and I decide to play a game. Every time Effie says, "Isn't that wonderful?", we scratch our nose. Every time she has to wake Haymitch up, we kick each other. And every time Effie asks us a question, we must reply "Hmmmmmm. Of course. Of course." with a completely serious face.

This went on for about twenty minutes until Effie, once again, yells, "Haymitch! We are having a serious meeting here! Could you try to stay awake for at least five minutes?!" I look at Peeta with a mischievous face. We both know what that means. I kick Peeta's leg so hard that he falls to the ground in agony. I cover my mouth to try to hide my giggles, but I couldn't do it. I start to laugh out loud and saw that Peeta did the same. It felt so good to laugh. I can't remember the last time that I did.

"All right, I think that means it's time for you two to go to bed." Haymitch tells us. But I think he said it more for himself. He could hardly stand up without almost falling over.

"Fine. But we will finish this in the morning!" Effie tells us as Peeta and I run as fast as we can to avoid another speech about what color our eyebrows should be.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

We get to our bedrooms and my stomach is still aching from laughing so hard. As we look at my door, the mood suddenly gets serious.

"Um, I guess I'll see you in the morning, then." Peeta says as he walks in the other direction.

"Wait!" I yell without thinking. What was I doing? Asking him to spend the night again? Why should he? There is no good reason for him to want to stay. It's not like it means anything. It's not like anything is going to happen. But I have a good reason: I need him. I would never admit it out loud, but I do need him. Need him be there when I wake up screaming. To hold me while I'm shaking and help calm me down. To help me fall back asleep. I need him.

"What?" He asks almost in shock. Was it really that surprising that I would ask?

"Uh, um, why don't you… come in for a little bit?" I can feel my face turning red as I attempt to look at him in the eye. I can't do it.

"Sure." I can hear the smile in his voice and my face feels even warmer. "We can talk about the outfits we'll need and what style of shoe will make us look the slimmest." He continues with a wink.

I can't help but laugh. How is it he can always make me laugh?

As we make our way into my bedroom, I sit cross-legged on the bed, awkwardly not knowing to say. The only other times that Peeta has come into my room have been in the middle of the night while I'm still half asleep. Wailing and screaming and then I suddenly have his arms around me. Comforting me. And I never question it.

"Nice room." He says with a smirk.

"Um. Thanks." I say confused because, first of all, his room looks exactly the same. And second, he's been here before. A couple of times, in fact.

Peeta sees my confusion and laughs.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"Oh, just your face. Your confused face is kind of adorable." He says and laughs again.

Oh, no. Here comes the red face again.

"Adorable? More like annoyed." I spit back to defend myself. I hate it when he can see my vulnerable side.

He laughs once again. "Katniss, I mean it as a compliment." He says as he smiles at me.

I sigh. I can never stay mad at the smile.

He comes and sits down next to me on the bed. We sit there awkwardly for a few minutes before Peeta breaks the silence,

"So, Katniss, as much as I would love to talk about clothes and shoes and whatever else with you, what am I really doing here?"

I freeze. I wasn't expecting him to actually ask. I assumed he kind of knew.

But Peeta is patient. He just sits there and looks at me and I know that he will continue until I give him an answer.

I sigh and look down at my hands, embarrassed.

"I honestly don't know."

It's the truth. I don't know why I asked him to come into my room. The only thing that I can think of are those three words that always come to mind when I think of Peeta: I need him. And I would never tell him that. It would hurt him too much.

We sit there for another couple of minutes.

"Ok, well then I guess I'll just go back to my room." Peeta finally says as he gets up to move towards the door. I could hear the hurt in his voice. He wants me to say it. Just wants me to say that I need him here. With me.

"No! Please don't leave!" I beg, almost sounding like I might start to cry.

He stops in his tracks and turns around to look me. His face turns soft when he sees the pain in my eyes. He comes to sit next to me again and takes both my hands into his.

"Katniss, I'm not trying to hurt you." He says sincerely. I don't believe Peeta could hurt a fly, let alone me.

"It's just that…" he closes his eyes and turns his face away from.

Great. Now it's me that's doing the hurting. I put my hand on his check to try to comfort him, but this just makes it worse. He stands up quickly and starts pacing the floor.

"What, Peeta?" I say to try to get some answers from him. Why would he pull away like that?

He stops and looks at me with a very fierce look on his face. He comes closer to me and sits on the bed again.

"Katniss, you know how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you. And, believe me, I never expected you to feel the same way. I still don't. It just that… it's… painful to be near you like this when I know you don't feel the same way. When you have feelings for…" he trails off. "I don't blame you. But I don't think I can do this anymore." As he finishes he puts his face in his hands.

I stay there on the bed not knowing what to do. Should I rub his back like he would mine? Should I say something? Should I just leave?

No. I can't leave.

But there is something that I know I need to do.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

As we sit on the bed, I know that I need to do something. And I need to do it now.

I get up and start pacing the floor myself while Peeta still has his head in his hands.

Should I really be doing this right now? As I look at Peeta in so much pain, I know that I have to.

"Peeta?" I say quietly as I walk towards him.

He doesn't move.  
"Peeta?" I say again and rub his shoulder to get his attention.

He looks up and I can see quiet tears falling down his face.

I sit down and hug him instantly. I hate to see him in so much pain. Especially when it's because of me. Why do I hurt everyone that I love?

He hugs me back and I can feel the tears wetting the back of my dress. He notices too.

"Sorry." he says wiping his eyes.

"There's no need to be sorry, Peeta. This is all my fault." I say as I look into his bright blue and wet eyes.

"It's not your fault." He says looking at me.

"Of course it's my fault!" I yell. "I've been using you Peeta! I'm so sorry." And now I put my face in my hands.

I feel his hand rubbing my back trying to make me feel better.

"You haven't been using me."

"Stop doing that!" I yell again. I stand up and move to the other side of the room.

"Doing what?" he asks with a sincere puzzled tone in his voice.

"Making it sound like I'm the good guy! That what I've been doing is ok! That it's normal! That is hasn't been hurting you!"

I'm pacing again and he watches me go back and forth across the room. He stands up and grabs my shoulders to make me stop. But I keep looking down. There is no way I can look into those blue eyes right now.

"Katniss, look at me." I refuse.

"Katniss, please look at me."

I look up and can see a small smile on his face. He starts again.

"Katniss, I really don't blame you. There's always been a part of me that knew you could never really love me. I'm not going to say that I never hoped. But it's ok. Really." He smiles again and kisses my forehead.

"It's not ok." I say in whisper and put my head down.

"Of course it's ok." He says again and gives me a tight hug.

"No! It's not!" I yell and fall to the ground.

"Katniss, why do you keep saying that?" Peeta asks bending down.

"Because, Peeta. Because…" I stop and put my head in my hands again.

Peeta sits on the ground with me and rubs my back again.

Why is he the one still comforting me? I'm the bad guy here!

"Peeta," I begin and look up, "Peeta, I can't love you."

"I know." He says quietly still rubbing my back.

"No, Peeta, I literally can't love you. I don't think I know how. Not in the way that you want. Not in the way that you deserve."

He looks at me with confusion in his eyes. I sigh.

"Look, I can't give you what you want. I will probably never be able to. And, Peeta, you deserve so much better. I'm not worth your time. And I know that I should be asking you to completely leave me alone so that you can find your happiness. But the thing is… I don't want to. Because… I..." I trail off and bite my lip.

"You… what Katniss?" Peeta asks.

"I... I… need you ok?" I look down at the floor.

There. I said it.

"You… need me?" he sounds surprised.

I sigh again.

"Yes. I need you. I need your arms around me at night when I have visions of mutts and knives and death that can't get out of my head. I need you to be there to make me laugh. I need you to be there to make me feel alive again."

I look up again and he has a look of shock on his face. When he looks like he's about to say something, I stop him.

"But I'm not good for you, Peeta. I'm a terrible person. Look at what I did to you! I hurt everyone who comes in contact with me."

I can feel the emotion building up inside of me.

"And you really do deserve so much better. You deserve someone who doesn't make you cry." My voice starts to crack.

"Someone who can love you the way that you love them. Someone who doesn't use you for their own selfish reasons. Someone who sees the amazing man that you are and realizes how lucky she would be to have you. I'm so sorry…"

That's when I break down.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Great. Just what I wanted. Peeta to see me cry. I hardly ever cry. After my father died and my mother zoned out, I had to become to strong one in the family.

But here I am, with Peeta. On the floor in my bedroom with tears streaming down my face. Suddenly I feel his arms around me once again and I don't resist. What is it about those arms of his?

Why am I crying? Is it because of Gale? Do I feel guilty?

No. Gale has nothing to do this.

This is between Peeta and me.

I'm crying because Peeta shouldn't be here right now. He shouldn't waste his time on me to try to make me feel better. He should just let me go. It's the best option for both of us.

I calm down enough to get ready to tell Peeta exactly this. I'm sure he'll understand. He might actually be grateful.

"Katniss," Peeta says before I get the chance to say his name first. I look up.

"Katniss, why are you so hard on yourself? Have you ever wondered why I love you?"

I shake my head. I honestly never have.

"I love you because you drive me crazy." He smiles at my offended look.

He grabs my hand and brings me back up to sit on the bed with him.

"It's the way that you always have to defend yourself. The way that you are so strong with everything you do and never give up. The way that you bring out the best in me. The way that your hair looks after it's been in that beautiful braid that you do. The way you smell when I get into bed with you…"

His face turns red and he looks down.

"That's been my favorite part." I say quietly.

"Favorite part of what?" Peeta says as he looks up at me.

"Of life since we won…" I trail off. He nods his head. He knows.

"It's the only time that I have felt… normal. Like we never went through anything. Like, it's where I'm supposed to be…" I look down at my hands.

We both don't know what to say now. We just listen to silence.

"I notice you don't scream if I'm there… in bed with you." Peeta says to break the silence.

"I think that's because I don't have any nightmares after I can feel your arms around me." I respond still looking down.

"Peeta, how come I never know when you're having a nightmare?" I say out of curiosity.

"I don't know. I don't think I cry out or thrash around or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with terror," he says.

"You should wake me," I say, thinking about how I can interrupt his sleep two or three times on a bad night. About how long it can take to calm me down.

"It's not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you," he says. "I'm okay once I realize you're here."

What am I supposed to do with that?

I sigh with exasperation and say, "I hate it when you say things like that."

"Why?" he asks in a slightly hurt tone.

I sigh again.

"Because… because it just reminds me that I can't give you what you wan…"

He stops me.

"Ok, you need to stop saying that."

I look at him, shocked. Who is he to tell me what I can and can't say about my feelings for him?

"Why should I?" I say defending myself.

I see him give a half smile and I know it's because he's enjoying his favorite quality of mine.

He continues, "You should stop saying it because it's not true"

"How do you know that?" I say defending once again.

"Because you've never tried."

Ok, now I'm confused.

"What do you mean I've never tried?"

"You've never given yourself the chance to find out if you could love. You keep telling yourself that you're some monster who hurts everyone and is so damaged that she will never be able to be with someone. You've never let yourself love." As he is saying this, his blue eyes pierce mine.

I'm shocked and I know that he can see it my face.

He's right. He's absolutely right.

"You know I'm right, don't you?" he asks.

What is he, a mind reader?

I don't reply. I just keep looking in his eyes. Those amazing, beautiful blue eyes that I can never get enough of.

My eyes travel down to his arms. Those arms that keep me safe at night. That make me feel comforted.

My eyes move back up to his lips. Those lips that I've dared not touch except in front of the cameras.

Do I dare now?


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

I move closer and can feel the pull of gravity pushing me towards him. I can see him move in too, but he suddenly pulls back and looks at me seriously.

I give him a nod to let him know that I'm serious about this. That I want to do this. That I want to… try.

I move closer again and he doesn't resist this time. Our lips touch softly, and I feel a spark that I've never felt before.

I pull back, surprised at the shock that I felt.

He smiles and leans in again.

This time, the kisses start out soft again, but they get harder. And then, I feel it. That thing again. The thing I've only ever felt once before. In the cave, almost a year ago, when I was trying to get Haymitch to send us food. I kissed Peeta about a thousand times during those Games and after. But there was only one kiss that made something stir deep inside me. Only one that made me want more.

The sensation inside me grows warmer and spreads out from my chest, down through my body, out along my arms and legs, to the tip of my being. Instead of satisfying me, the kisses have the opposite effect, of making my need greater. I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind.

We continue kissing. We have no interruptions to stop us, no reasons to quit. And neither of us want to.

His kisses continue from my mouth to my neck and then to my collarbone. I gasp. I've never felt this way before. But I never want it to stop. Ever.

I move his face back up. I need to feel his lips on mine.

I can feel him smiling as he continues to kiss me. I can't help but do the same. This feels… so perfect. So right.

And I know it's time.

I start to reach towards the hem of my dress, but I feel his hands stop me.

I look at him in confusion. Does he not want this?

He sees my face and says, "I just wanted to make sure…" he's out of breath "that you want this. That you really want this."

He looks at me fiercely, wanting me to give an honest answer.

As I look into his eyes, I see it.

I see us together in the future. I see me teaching him how to swim in the lake that my father showed me. I see us in our home, Peeta baking and me cooking up with a caught that day. Him always being there to comfort me in the night. I see us… being happy. Belonging together. And that's when I know I can give him an honest answer.

"More than anything." I reply as I lean in to kiss him again.

As we're kissing, I reach towards my dress again but find his hands there once again. However, instead of stopping me, he's helping me and he pulls up my dress over my head, revealing me.

I know that should be embarrassed, but I'm not. I feel…comfortable. Like he's supposed to see me this way. He stares at me for moment and mouths "beautiful."

I smile and say "Your turn."

I take off his shirt and check out what's underneath. The last time I saw his body, we were in much different circumstances. This time, however, I run my hand across his chest and admire the muscles that come from lifting those bags of flour. He takes my hand into his and helps me unbuckle his pants. After, he brings his hands back up to my face and starts kissing me again.

As we're kissing, I lay back and I pull him on top of me onto the bed. We explore each other's bodies, leading to things that both of us have never experienced before.

After, he holds me in his arms and I know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Here with Peeta. And I never want to be anywhere else. This is home.

**A/N: IF YOU GUYS WOULD LIKE ME TO CONTINUE, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A LEAST TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE REVIEW SO THAT I KNOW PEOPLE ARE READING AND ENJOYING :) THANKS!**


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